blankpieces | ic inbox (aefenglom)

[L has that way about him, unfortunately. Even what's well-meaning can come across as pedantic and arrogant. He can see that this is not the optimal approach for getting through to Near; what's not so clear is how he could get through in a productive way. Neither of them are good with people, and ironically, it's a very counterproductive thing to have in common.]

I know it's likely that you have a plan.

[What steps are you taking? He bites his tongue on it; it's probably an ill-advised time to try to be a life coach.]

[That's the unfortunate part. Near doesn't have a plan - not yet. Not any more than what he's already built on.

For all that was built up between them, Mello was still someone familiar - someone he was comfortable with on some level. Everyone else here was a stranger, a creature of power beyond his own in a world where his skill set meant very little. He knew he would need another bond aside from his first, but he had expected to have more time to work on that aside from the brief stint he and the blond had spent connected. After all, the other two men from his world had been here months prior to his arrival.

And he'd gotten little from his bond with Mello aside from anxiety and constant hunger.]

It is being revised.

[He has nothing. Just a toy store he doesn't care about and a couple employees he barely interacts with. He's quiet on the council as he has few resources and skills to offer for the items that have been brought up to date.

Now he has to study individuals closely and hope to find someone who'll work out for him. Asking L isn't even an option. Doing that felt far too much like losing, though what he'd be losing at he's not even sure.]

That's good. It's important, to be able to adapt in such situations.

[He tries to sound encouraging. Praising might be a stretch, because it's growing clearer that adaptation might not be Near's strong suit. Aefenglom chose to make him a cold-blooded snake; probably appropriate.]

I trust that you have it in hand. But should you find that you desire a more efficient approach, I might be able to recommend some names. Leads, at the very least.

[I don't want to bond with anyone connected with you, is what Near wants to say, but he holds it in. He's been childish enough since the other man walked in the door. Continuing on that line of thought will only cause him to embarrass himself further.]

I appreciate the consideration. [Is what he says instead, though the fact that it's said through gritted teeth isn't helping to improve the way he comes off.]

How many do you have? [Bonds, he means.]

[One doesn't live to 26 and not develop at least an inkling of when someone dislikes him. When it goes bone-deep, practically based on principle, it's almost atmospheric... but Near is a part of what he and Watari built, and with that comes some measure of responsibility. Here in Aefenglom, where so many of their ilk would be out of their element to the point of spectacular ruin, it's even more difficult to ignore. For all that L has been willing to clean up messes before, he would really rather not have a repeat of the Beyond Birthday situation... and he already came too close to failing, with Mello.

He has another shot, and the lighter his touch, the better things will go. He's sure of that, now, but he can still be forthcoming, when Near is willing to budge a bit.]

Of course.

[He replies with a nod, as though it really goes without saying that the help is available.]

I've had three, but one departed at the beginning of the year. Mello's gone, as you know, so... one remains. A faun named Myr.

[For any who have met Myr, the match might seem a strange one. Even for those who haven't, L doesn't say the name like it's a simple business arrangement, or there for safety or convenience.]

[Near has met Myr. Once. Their interaction was brief, so he only got a vague idea of what the faun was like. He doesn't know how the two of them would work out as a bond, but then there are strange circumstances that bring some people together. Most people wouldn't have considered Mello a good candidate to bond with either of them, yet here they are.

But the fact that L had found two others to bond with aside from their mutual acquaintance stings. Near had never been particularly good at actually making friends with people. Other individuals existed to be used, studied, or ignored. Friendship was a difficult concept. It left one open and vulnerable. He lacked the balance necessary to maintain relationships while focusing on his work.

And attachments led to instances like this. He doesn't know how Mello could stand feeling all the time.]

Is it worth it? Do they actually help you?

[L considers the question carefully, giving it fair time and thought before he attempts to answer. It would be a simple question, for some; for the two of them, similar souls at different points in a comparable journey? It's as complex as it would have to be, considering where they're coming from, the places they might by trying to go while fighting what that could mean.]

On a very technical and basic level... yes, they do help you. Whether it's worth it would depend on how much you feel it's the case. If you're on the verge of madness as a Witch, or going feral as a monster, I'd say it's worth it, but those are extreme circumstances pushed to a desperate limit. I feel you're wondering about the benefits of a Bond on a more constant and mundane level.

[That's the space they're occupying now, after all. Two young men, in a workshop for toys with wood shavings scattered around their feet, mourning someone they both knew in a very roundabout and detached way.]

My first Bond approached me. It was a machine, very literally... a supercomputer consumed in pill form where it came from. Here, it was a Witch and had a human body, and our arrangement was mutually beneficial for awhile. We lived together, worked in the same place.

[Slept together, though Near probably doesn't need to hear those details.]

It existed to help a user achieve their goals, so the arrangement really seemed ideal. I was driven and motivated for a time, and it was enforced.

[Much like having a handler.]

Mello was another Witch, and that alone probably should have precluded a Bond between us. I should have said no.

[He did say no. Many times, to many things, but Mello had persisted and pressed and worn him down until it set something of a precedent. That, too, doesn't need to be heard by Near, even if it's likely that much of it can likely be concluded by Near just based on L's tone, the look in his eyes, the way his posture curls and closes.]

Myr came to me shortly after that point. I was mad, or close to it. My feet didn't even touch the ground every other step; the stars felt close.

[And he still remembers what that was like, to be so tempted and dazzled by the prospect of oblivion. He shivers, pulling his jacket a little tighter around his thin shoulders.]

Of all my Bonds, I think... Myr has helped the most, and Myr has been the most worth it. He saw something beyond what I was before coming here, or what I could do for him, and he believes that I can be better than I am.

[In a way that has nothing to do with test scores or cases solved, but everything to do with simple humanity. L doesn't look directly at Near, because maybe his successor would find that notion hilarious. But Myr doesn't, after everything, and so.]

If you find someone who wants that for you... try to Bond, and try not to prove them wrong even if you really want to. Being right isn't always winning, here.

[A witch/witch bond isn't a particularly safe option. Near knows this is at least partially the reason Mello acquiesced to bond with him, but he hadn't thought on it much more than that since it worked in his favor.

As L talks, the naga runs a scaled hand through his hair. It stops, gripping lightly at the roots. It does little to comfort him, but he leaves it there for now. His former mentor speaks of these things with too much ease. It makes him feel like a child again, except that back then L's lectures came by way of an empty screen and a modified voice.

And it never would have directed this much actual concern at him.]

And every time it will change you.

[Even if he believes that right now this is only temporary, there is always going to be some lasting debris left over from his bond with Mello. These people L has opened himself up to have altered him irrevocably, to the point where Near doesn't believe he ever had the opportunity to meet the man he was supposed to be following in the footsteps of all those years.

Maybe he should feel relief at that. Maybe he should be considering this person to be someone else entirely.

It will make the ridiculous things he's saying easier to take.]

You got lucky. Don't be idealistic. Thinking that anyone would want that for me is giving me too much credit.

[A double-Witch bond is in fact notoriously unstable. Having two at once, especially without a mitigating Monster to balance the dynamic, is practically a death wish. It had been explained to Mello; Mello had insisted on it, anyway. Mello had insisted on a lot of things.]

There's only one way to remain unchanged, and I'm not advocating that kind of record freeze for either of us. Would you prefer it to growth?

[He shakes his head, rejecting the premise.]

Sort this out, because you contradict yourself on a fundamental level. You're open to other perspectives, or you wouldn't have Bonded with Mello. You're open to growth and improvement, or you wouldn't profess to think so little of yourself.

Please leave.

[Near says this sharply after a pause, finally removing the hand from his hair so that he can get to his feet. He's had enough of being preached to.]

I appreciate you coming over but you can go now.

[It isn't a lie to say that he appreciated it, nor will he completely ignore everything L has suggested. But he can only stand to look at the man for so long, especially when it feels as though he's being chastised.

That's the only thing anyone at the orphanage ever got onto him for - not being able to make friends. And even then it wasn't important enough to warrant more than a couple words on the matter.]

[There's some ambiguity to the wisdom of leaving now. Having struck a nerve, it's either time to double down or back off, with little room for compromise between the two options... and playing it safe might be, at least for the time while their rapport is still in its relative infancy, the wiser option.]

If that's truly what you want.

[Maybe it isn't, but if that's the case, Near will be left to reflect on the way he won, in the sense that L did what he was told, but was left alone with his abused likeness of Mello as a result, just as friendless as before. Not really a net gain, in the end. He moves toward the door, glancing back with his fingers wrapped around the handle.]

It doesn't need to be from me, by any means... but should you find yourself actually requiring help, ask for it. For your own sake, if no one else's.

[Near's eyes follow L as he goes to leave, but turn away as he reaches the door.

Asking for help in the past hadn't been difficult. He had money behind him, a name, a reputation. If he requested a certain type of individual to work under him he could get it easily. But he has no influence here. No one will fall in line under a toymaker.

Hell, he can barely find enough employees.]

Right.

[When he finds out how to have normal human relationships maybe he'll let you know.]

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